It’s hard enough to see your first born go to school for the very first time. But it is even harder to see them go away to college for the first time without you. Just recently I had to experience such a transition. As much as, I was excited for my son to go away to college, I was completely conflicted when the actual event took place. Just like when he went to school for the very first time in kindergarten, I lingered on in the very essence of the space he occupied just minutes before. Wondering what was my next move…..I took in the fact that all this time I was living to take care of my children, I forgot about me! It was a stunning revelation as I stood there watching his plane slowly take off. Once it was gone, I was still in shock and wondering what to do until I realized that there was still my 13 year old son who would definitely need my help. And as I turned on the back of my heels to leave the airport, I couldn’t believe it….in everything I had done I had not fully lived my true authentic life. As I made my phone calls to friends and family, I just talked about the experience I had felt as my son left for his new journey not my new revelation. It felt strange and foreign to me, after all my son is 18 years old and I have spent 18 years helping him to grow into this individual.
How strange I felt at this particular moment?! My eldest son was there when there was a husband and father in the home. And he was there when that husband left and eventually the father left. It was devastating for our family but with God we were able to manage. The after effects were hard and painful, truly it almost destroyed us but God would not let us go and we were able to make it just one more day. Now here I was so grateful and thankful for all those many day that led to this point however conflicted because we were no longer bound by pain and disappointment; we were liberated by love, growth and hope.
And as I headed out onto the busy street with all the travelers I realized that was it……we were not living in that place any more! It was very foreign and a little uneasy but welcomed…..we were accomplishing living. And because this was happening, I was able to see what my life was missing.